By Barry Toohey
From: The Daily Telegraph
April 24, 2009
AN EMOTIONAL Cory Paterson yesterday went public on his private battle with depression, revealing he has had suicidal thoughts and cried himself to sleep three weeks ago before Newcastle took on Manly.
It was fitting that the promising young Knights back-rower, who has become the latest sports star to seek professional help to battle the disease, made his announcement on Footy Jumper Friday - an event staged to help beyondblue raise awareness of depression and anxiety in Australia.
Paterson is currently seeing a psychologist, Frances Dunn, is on anti-depressant medication and is having further tests to ascertain if he is bi-polar.
His immediate future is up in the air but despite the admission, he hasn't ruled out playing against Wests Tigers tomorrow.
"I'm probably 50-50. I want to play but if I'm not right, I'm not going to let my teammates down," he said, adding that coach Brian Smith has been a huge support along with club CEO Steve Burraston and operations manager Warren Smiles.
"Everyone's been great. I've been talking to Smithy every day about it for a little while now and he's been helping me and been really supportive," Paterson said.
He said he started to feel something was wrong two months ago.
"There was no trigger. Everything was just adding up. I wasn't playing good, I was down on myself and I wasn't sleeping. I was feeling really lonely but pushing those close to me away and wasn't in the mood to be around anyone. When I was, I was just snapping at everyone.
"Snapping at Sophie (girlfriend Sophie Thomson) for no reason and just getting angry and agitated. As the days rolled on, it just got worse and I was having silly thoughts.
"Neil (club doctor Neil Halpin) was the first person I went to because I knew I had to get some help."
He pulled out of the game against Manly because of an ankle injury but his state of mind was also a factor.
"I wasn't feeling good. The night before the game, I cried myself to sleep and it's not something I could control," he said.
Teammate Adam MacDougall described him as "very courageous".
"It took a lot of guts to get up in front of us. We'll all support him 100 per cent," MacDougall said.